Asking, Listening and Seeing

This girl has had quite a memorable 6th grade year - "memorable" meaning good and bad.  She has really been struggling academically and of course as a mom I have been trying to get at the source of the struggle.  Problems with friends? Trouble with organization? Too social?  I just can't seem to figure out what has been going on.  But a few weeks ago during the chaotic afternoon hours, she did mention to me that her eyes were "doing funny things".  I heard her but I did not really hear her if you know what I mean.  A couple of days later after looking at her current grades I questioned her in total frustration about why she was doing so poorly in school.  I am not sure why but it occurred to me to ask if she was having trouble seeing.  She got teary eyed and said that she was.  I was elated!  Not that you want your child to have vision problems but I wanted an answer, a simple easy answer.  And I thought I got it.

Well, not quite.  She got her glasses - in the words of Elise "Wow Jules, glasses and braces!"  I thought there would be an immediate turn around.  I thought she was armed with what she truly needed to get back in the game.  But no.  More missing assignments, more bad grades on tests.  So finally I made an appointment to meet with her teachers.  As I sat there with Jules and her teacher I noticed something.  Her teacher was not yelling at her, reprimanding her or threatening her - all things I have done plenty of this year.  She was asking questions.  What does the end of your day look like?  Are you double checking your planner with the board?  Are you making sure you have what you need to take home?  Are you putting completed assignments together in a homework folder?  Are you checking edline regularly?  Asking questions and listening to her answers in order to formulate solutions.  Sure I had done some of that but usually in a spirit of anger and frustration.

So much of successful parenting relies on asking the right questions and actually listening to the answers.  It is so hard sometimes, especially as the mother of five, to feel like I am really listening to anybody.  But this memorable 6th grade year of Jules' has given me a strong reminder that I need to do just that.

One of the positive, good memories of this year for Jules will be JA.  Junior Assembly has been going on since before I was a 6th grader.  Boys and girls have to dress up (coats and ties and gloves and dresses!) and they learn traditional dances like the fox trot and the waltz.  It is a lesson in manners and social interaction but the kids just have a blast and want it to go on and on!  Here are some pics from the last class which parents are able to attend.

Another key element to parenting is seeing.  We made it to the Japanese Festival last Sunday and Elise sort of took over my camera.  Of course I was initially annoyed and was ready to have to go through and delete a million pictures because she tends to go a little crazy sometimes.  When I went to upload the pictures, I was actually very impressed with the variety and quality of the pictures she took (Jules took a few also).  I pray that I can always remember to try to see the world through my children's eyes because so often their view is much more colorful and magical.

On to our next festival!



Receiving the Gift

A friend of mine told me recently that she was pregnant - unexpectedly.  Of course I gave her a hug and told her congratulations but I knew she had come to me for something more.  You see, this friend of mine also has five children.  And this friend of mine is also striving to live out her Catholic faith and be open to life.  And this friend of mine knows that her family is going to think she is crazy.  So she came to me because she knew that I would be positive and accepting and offer her prayers and encouragement.  She also came because she knew that I had been there.
    
About three years ago life was sailing smoothly.  Paolo was almost three and Mark and I were feeling pretty comfortable as the parents of four awesome kids.  We were not closing the door on having more, but there was sort of an unspoken agreement that things were good the way they were.  I started my certification to teach NFP for the diocese, life was busy but good.  Then - POW!  Guess what? I'm pregnant.  Here I was ready to tout the amazingness (is that a word?) of NFP and tell all these couples how perfectly planned out my life was.  That was what people wanted to hear at these classes, right?  They want to know that there is a Catholic alternative to birth control.  They want to know that they can have the status quo 2.1 children and go on with their lives.  I wanted to be able to tell them that - but that is the wrong message and God sent me a beautiful baby girl to help me figure that out.

That pregnancy was really a 9 month conversion for me.  You see, I was doubting the Church's teaching on contraception and sterilization.  I was feeling out of control and out of touch with the rest of society.  But if the Church claims to be THE church that Jesus established on earth and if the Church puts forth this beautiful explanation about the human body and life and love- but it is WRONG - well then the whole thing just unravels for me.  If I could not trust the Church on this issue then how could I trust her on anything?  So there I was pregnant and following this line of thinking: I am following Church teaching - I am unexpectedly pregnant - the Church might be wrong about all this because, after all it is HARD - if the the Church is wrong about this, she is probably wrong about a lot of things - how could this be the TRUE Church? - no true Church - no trust in Jesus' words - no trust in God - no God?  This is where I was.

I can't really say at what point in my pregnancy I came fully around to accept, embrace and even fall in love with the Church again but there was one significant event that sort of slapped me into the spiritual reality of what was happening.  I was in Mass listenening to the homily and to this day I could not tell you what the Gospel was that day or what Fr. Florea was preaching on but I heard him say, several times very clearly, "Receive the gift".  And from that day on I decided to do just that.  And what a gift we got.

I have been wanting to do an Ava blog for some time because I have all these hilarious pictures of her putting on shoes - dress up, her sister's, at the store -  and walking around like she owns the place.  Ava has spiced up our lives and I can not imagine our family without her.  After speaking with my friend I felt compelled to get this blog put together to celebrate the gift I received.

Well, it is way too late for me to try to figure out why some of the pictures are sideways :)  There were dozens more pictures that I could have included but really all I need is one look at this amazing child to know that I have received a gift.  I hope and pray that I can help my friend to receive hers too.

Happy Birthday Nana!

My mother-in-law celebrated her birthday last Saturday and it was a really nice day. We went to the Chinese Cultural Center for lunch and it just so happened that the Chinese Festival was going on.  We walked around to all the booths, watched the martial arts and dragon dance performance and wandered through the gigantic market where they sell goat heads and chicken feet.  It was really fun to feel immersed in another culture.

Next, Mark and I got to go to a movie with her and Chris stayed home with the kids.  I can't remember the last time we went to the movies without the kids.  Then we ordered yummy pizza and had chocolate cake and ice cream at our house.

I feel blessed to have such a wonderful mother-in-law.  She is youthful and energetic and she has taught me a lot - from cooking delicious food to giving things my all and always staying positive.  She adores our children and gives them so much time and attention.  Happy Birthday Nana - you are a gift to all of us!